To return to a hostile place in my life? I have been through hell and back this year. I return to work after a leave of absence and the newness has worn off only to more hostility in the workplace. It may have been a mistake but it pays the bills. And much needed health insurance. A coworker made a comment that I am responsible for most of the stress brought on by myself. Ok, am I responsible for my brother's death? No, but do blame any one person? No, I blame the system but that's a whole other journal entry. Am I to blame for being harassed on the job because of defending myself and doing the right thing? No, I don't think so. The person involved has the common sense of a Matchbox car. I'm supposed to take responsibility for that? Again, no. Hell no. They probably think I'm calling out today. Guess what? They're fucking wrong. I'm not running away. I'm gonna be there every day unless they let me go. And that will be with a bang. The same way I got there. Kicking ass and taking names.

So you want to know what day of the week is my favorite, huh??? The most obvious one: Friday! The end of the dreaded work week. Friday is my holiday... the world stops on Friday and I'm having me a ball, and I don't feel no pain at all, Friday is my day to play, yay! Yes, I stole the lyrics. I hear them every Friday night as the opening theme to the Mike Malloy show. I just forget who sings it... wait a minute, that's what Wikipedia is for, or I should just Google it... lol...ok. The name of the song is called "Friday is My Day" by Z. Z. Hill. I definitely enjoy this man's bumper music... ok.. off topic... and now back to the topic at hand...
The day of the week I look forward to the least: Monday. Back to work, back to the daily grind, back to the place where you spend eight hours peddling papers for people who don't appreciate you and are looking to backstab you. Is anyone who they say they are... really???...ok I just went off on another tangent. Reason? Trying to write something every day and this is not always easy to do. I am just trying to get my presence felt somewhere since right now this is the only place (and a few other blogs where some of my work is seen) where I can vent.... ok... sort of....

I definitely change clothes when I get out of Dodge! Sweats and a sweatshirt in cold weather, shorts and a t-shirt in the summer. I don't want to be in work clothing any more than I have to be. I don't wear a uniform but I prefer to wear anything but work clothes.

I'm not sure if this is a joke or not, if you are familiar with Alan Colmes, formerly of Hannity and Colmes, announced on his blog today that he was going conservative and planned to change the name of his blog from Liberaland to Conservativeland. For more information, check out this website:

www.alan.com

Two months post mortem
Current mood: depressed
Category: Life
Tomorrow is the 2 month anniversary of my little brother's passing from leukemia. I was doing well til later this afternoon when I picked up a few things in the kitchen and found some pictures of the last family event in which he was a part of (the one we have pictures of), which is our grand-niece Anastasia's christening back in June of 2008, right after the first time he was hospitalized for a blood transfusion.
Before that, I was doing food shopping in Shop Rite in North Bergen. I found myself remembering when he first moved in with me and he and I went food shopping together at a Shop Rite in Hoboken. He was the one finding the bargains while I was just wandering from aisle to aisle without a list, just remembering as I went along.
A few days ago, I got a message on Myspace from a friend he met during his months away in Cincinatti, Ohio. My brother did not discuss his time in Ohio often because the situation was less than ideal. Despite the odds, it turned out he made a difference there too. The friend that wrote to me told me that for the few months that he knew my brother he always stayed positive, and made people feel better. As most people knew, he was the same way til the end of his cancer fight. Like everyone else who knew him, he was shocked of his passing, finding out of it on his memorial page (he's my number 1 friend on myspace, devilsfan.). This friend also wrote a wonderful memorial. If he is reading this, I would like him to send a copy of what he wrote to devilsfan so it can be posted. 30 years is too short of time to be on earth. But the short time he had with us, he leaves a legacy... his daughter and his determination to fight no matter what... RIP little brother... love and miss you... Nick Reo (1978-2009)
Sue :-)

Sunday, February 22, 2009
Revised version of RIP Little Brother Dominick Reo 2.13.78-1.30.09
Category: Life
To whomever attempts to read the first blog I wrote the same day my brother Nicky passed away. I have been attempting to edit it because of the way it was written at the time. Because of the way Myspace handles the editing, I will be reposting it by the cutting and pasting method in hopes that it would be readable:

Subject: RIP little brother... Dominick Reo 2.13.78-1.30.09

This morning my brother lost his battle with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. He passed at 9 in the morning with his family and the mother of his 11 year old daughter by his side. He left us knowing that he was and will always be loved by the brothers and sisters he left behind as well as the many nephews and nieces that loved and cherished him for the short time on earth he had with us. He missed his 31st birthday by two weeks.
A few things that most people knew about was that he was the first to help you move your furniture when you needed it, the first one to help with the most mundane of anything. Mr. Minimal, no name brands, basically economical. For the last 18 months, he lived with me from the time he returned from Ohio. The reason I say economical is because he would yell at me for spending 20 or 30 cents too much on something he knew was on sale. This was someone who insisted I picked up his boxers and sweatpants from CH Martin, which is like a discount store. He didn't need Reebok or Nike sneakers. As long as they fit he was fine.

He was also different because he was the only one I knew who loved the Atlanta Braves baseball team. Unusual for someone who was a lifelong New Jersey resident. But being like other people wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to be himself. He was also my hero. He was not ready to leave us. He fought his battle to the very end. His body gave up the battle, but his head and heart never did and never would. He knew what he was fighting and took a chance knowing what the final outcome would be. He was not ready to say goodbye. Neither were we. What I can say on behalf of my family is that we take comfort in the fact that we know he is no longer in pain and is now taking care of our parents.

"You don't want baggage without lifetime guarantees
You don't want to watch me die
I just came to say goodbye love
Goodbye love, came to say goodbye love goodbye Just came to say goodbye love
Goodbye love, goodbye love
Goodbye"

"Goodbye, Love" taken from the movie version of RENT
Sue :-)

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Cafeteria Blues
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

7 weeks later
Sitting at a table
Watching the world go by
No one acknowledging your presence
No one caring whether you exist or not
Just passing you by with their food and gossip
Leaving you with your food and drink and sadness
Yet keeping you with your principles and pride
And confidence
Knowing you did what was right.
It wasn't without sacrifice
It wasn't without fear
It was with a sliver of strength you never knew existed within you
Until you found you needed it.
You ask yourself if it was worth it
You ask yourself why
Others are afraid to stand up for themselves
And prefer only to follow the crowd
For fear of being rejected
For fear of being alone
For fear of being ostracized
And not being accepted.
As for me
I prefer to be myself
Not to be part of a crowd
That makes me sacrifice
Who I am and
Who I want to become.
I'd rather stay real
And true to myself
Than be a part of something
That I know in my heart is wrong
If that means I sit alone
Day after day with my food and drink to
Keep me company
Then that is the sacrifice I must make
Not to be part of the crowd
Then I'll continue the fight to remain true to myself as a survivor in the world of right and wrong.

If anyone wants to read another blogspot of mine, go to the following...

susiecuteisinthehouse.blogspot.com


read, spread the word and enjoy...will also post some of the entries here.

If I could live forever, if I was immortal, I would want to accomplish the following:

Work for a non-profit organization that does good for the world, like the ASPCA, or support the things I love and enjoy, like future writers of America or something.
I would also want to support feminism, equal rights for all, like making sure that anyone could be married, either gay or straight.
Stop hunger in our country first and foremost, then conquer the rest of the world.
Regulate for-profit corporations or kill them, since they're all about the money.
Make liberal talk radio number 1 in the USA, like Mike Malloy (www.mikemalloy.com), Stephanie Miller (www.stephaniemiller.com), Randi Rhodes (www.therandirhodesshow.com) and give Radical Russ Belville (www.radicalruss.com) a daily talk show instead of airing for two hours on a Saturday afternoon on XM Radio America Left 167.
Make a TV news channel only for liberal talk shows, since the majority of the news channels currently cater to the conservative base, with the exception of MSNBC, who airs Keith Olbermann and soon to be airing Rachel Maddow.

As a friend, what do I bring to the table? I bring loyalty, honesty, and truthfulness to the table. I believe you should always tell a friend how you feel, be honest with them about what you feel and be loyal whether it makes you popular or not. I am thinking about this issue because Friday night, I had a chance to spend time with the wife of one of my friends (he plays in a band) because she came to the place to hear him play for the first time in a very long time in a public venue. I've known her for almost as long as I've known him (we all used to work for the same company but today, I'm the only one of the three of us that still works there) I get the feeling that out of all of the coworkers that she knew there, I think I'm the only one she would ever go out of her way to have a conversation with, which in hindsight is smart because some people, past and present employees did not turn out to be as loyal or honest as they should be as they turned out to be only out for themselves. It was also the first time I've spoken to her in seven months, and about two years since I've seen her last (her husband and I still worked together in the same department at that time; she came to visit him) Despite popular opinion about her, I think she is a very nice person who because she doesn't speak to very many people, they come to a negative conclusion about her (she's not a good person, etc.) I also think I know what he sees in her. For one thing, I think he only has eyes for her after all these years (14 years???) and as a romantic, I think that's sweet. At the end of the show, he put his arms out to her for a hug. I know he was thrilled that she was there. I saw it in him all night. ( I also kept her company while he played. See, I know I'm a good friend so ha ha on those who don't think so)
I know I've gotten off the topic of friendship and what I find in a friend but the reason I brought this up was because the person I'm talking about has turned out to be one of the best friends I've had in a long time (purely platonic, ladies and gentlemen..sorry, I'm not into marriage busting). I'm looking back on more than 10 years of knowing that person. The few things he did that stand out happened around the same time I found out that my mother had terminal cancer (we found out too late to save her and she passed away three weeks after diagnosis. She was admitted to the hospital and never went home).One night (we worked in the same hospital that she was a patient in) there was a blizzard going on in which plans were made to close the department at 8 instead of 10 pm due to the bad weather and all employees were given permission to leave. I was willing to stay til the end of the shift so I could go upstairs to spend time with her, which is what I've been doing every night since her diagnosis because an administrative department started complaining due to short staffing in their department that no one was going to be able to pull charts, etc if no one was there. Instead, he insisted on coming back on his own time (he was a supervisor then) to finish my last two hours so I could go upstairs to be with her. It was then I knew that I had a friend for life. He came back in a blizzard for me knowing my mother didn't have much time left and I am forever grateful to him for that. When she passed away, he arranged for me to take a 10 day leave of absence (paid, I used my personal time) so I could take care of her personal belongings since she lived with me. When I returned to work, my first night back to work, he called me after his daughters went to sleep and he played me an original composition of his music until his wife came home from work. He was a friend to me then and even more of one now. A lesson to the ladies, you can be friends with a man that doesn't involve anything physical.

Personally, I think death is not something to joke about. The reason I say this is that for one thing, it's in bad taste. What if you make a joke about someone kicking the bucket or whatever. Another thing, what if someone had a recent death in the family and you make a totally tasteless joke about a suicide or something like that. For instance, one of my favorite TV shows, The Mary Tyler Moore's number one most popular episode is called "Chuckles Bites the Dust" tries to turn death into something humorous. While even I have to admit it does, I still think that death should never be something to joke about. It's off color and you never know if someone is mourning over a recent past or present loss of a best friend or family member.

My favorite memory is one of my earliest memories. It takes me back over thirty years ago, when I was five. It involves the first song I ever learned. The song was sung by Debby Boone and it was called "You Light Up My Life". It was also the first song I remember that my mother sang to me. I think back at this time as a better time, when I was still the youngest in the family, before my younger brothers were born. This doesn't by any means mean that I don't love my brothers or love them any less. I just remember this as a time that I was once the center of attention. This also brings back some sad memories since I lost my mother five years ago to lung cancer. I still have difficulty listening or even singing that song without crying. I'm tearing up as I write this but I felt writing this would help me feel better about this memory.

This afternoon I became an aunt again for the I don't know how many times now. I meant a great-aunt, for the third time, second time in three months. My niece Elizabeth gave birth at 5:19 pm this afternoon to a 7 lb, 5.2 oz, 20 inches long bouncing baby girl named Anastacia Elizabeth. She has dark hair like her daddy and long fingers like her mommy. Yes, I have a big family, but the only one of my brothers and sisters without children of her own. Not by choice. Just the way life worked out so far. It's sad even when your niece and nephew beat you out in the baby pool. It doesn't mean I'm not happy for them. I am. I really am. Just wish I had one myself sometimes. But that's ok. They have their single Aunt Susie who can do what she wants, when she wants, and for the most part, she does. I get the feeling that I'm the envy of most of my friends with children, how easy it is for me to get up and do something. The truth is that I envy them because they have someone that they can go home to, whether it's a husband, a wife, their children, their mother or father, or whomever their significant other happens to be at the moment instead of an empty, sometimes very lonely house with just a computer and an empty bed for company. But you learn to amuse yourself because you don't want to be a burden to anyone else and make them feel bad because at times, you feel bad yourself.

Less than 24 hours ago, someone I worked with for seven years was let go. Her work was less than perfect and probably deserved what was coming to her but by the same token, what if it was me? What if I'm next? This person has a family to support. What happens to them? I'm sure they'll be fine because she has family to help her if she needs it. Somehow, someway, she finds a way. She and I were never really the best of friends but things between us were better than they ever were. At times I did wish she would go away but I never really thought it would happen. Now that it has happened I find myself thinking, what if that were me? Whereever she is, I hope she's okay. Then again, I'm sure she is and will be because she is a very strong person and will definitely find her way. I wish her well.

In a hospital cafeteria in one of the five boroughs on NYC. I'm killing some time waiting for a friend of mine to get out of the office and eat lunch with me. I know this sounds boring but it is. I've been here before. One thing different that I've never noticed before is that there's a tv in here blaring The Young and the Restless. Every table is packed. Again, it is lunchtime. At the moment I'm sharing the table with a resident of some sort. The two at the table were behavior health. Now there's a nurse educator.... wait! An empty table. So I grab it. And about 30 seconds later a husband, wife and their adult son join me since the cafe is packed. They eat, they go, and then I'm alone. Yay. And as Young and the Restless almost ends, my friend finally joins me after spending almost 45 minutes of wanting to bang my head against the tv. I meant me. He was working. And then we eat and chat. He's great as always. And gracious. And a great friend. I want him to stay in my life regardless of what the future brings for me. Music or writing, I can sing some but I can write better. If the medical records field fails, I can always try my hand at writing. In the meantime, I need to make a living. I take care of me. No one else does.

Well, It's been a few months since I've posted. I'm in a much better frame of mind and adjusting to being single. I'm in no rush to be involved in another relationship but it doesn't mean I've given up. I haven't. Right now, I'm just enjoying my singlehood and listening to my Air America Radio streaming on the computer. A nice quiet Saturday night. If there is someone out there, he knows who he is. If not, I just watch my brothers and sisters with their children (and grandchildren, yes, my two oldest sisters are grandmothers. And one of them isn't even 40 yet!!!) and know that my family line lives on...

Today I'm writing live in Ridgefield Park, New Jersey. The music of the day isn't exactly music. It's Air America Radio and it's playing Seven Days in America. This radio station is great if you're a die hard liberal like me and thinks the current presidential administration bites the big one. Word of advice though... if you lean anywhere towards the right-wing politically, then listen with caution because you will not like what they have to say. Conservatives beware. If there is anyone out there in livejournal.com land that likes this topic then send me a message through the livejournal.com website.
As this is also a New Year (buh-bye, 2007!!!), I will mention a few of my resolutions: save 10 percent of the yearly income, go back to school, and try life as a single girl for awhile. (If anyone on here is looking for a girlfriend or a booty call, kindly look elsewhere because I'm not interested right now.). I also need to figure out who I am after being a girl who was in a committed relationship for the last 12 years to one dumped for an older woman (break out the Geritol, people!)I'm also looking to spruce up the resume in the field by hooking on to a per-diem position. I spent the last 10 years in the Health Information Management field aka Medical Records. That's my rant for now. Happy 2008!

Hi and welcome to Sue's Shouts.... not sure where I want this to go yet except to say that love isn't all its cracked up to be. I've been a single girl for the past 6 months. While that doesn't bother me, I now wonder if its too late to do certain things in my life, like get married, settle down, and have a baby, not necessarily in that order, as I consider myself not exactly traditional, mainly cause I find it mundane and boring. I don't have anything against anyone who chooses to live their life that way but I know that isn't me. The only thing I would want for a potential mate and father of my child, maybe husband, but it doesn't have to go that way, is that he is loving, caring, kind and considerate. I would also like to add that he has thoughts and opinions of his own and isn't controlled by his parents. Is allowed to act like an adult and doesn't need permission to go places. If I wanted that, I'd date high school boys and that's just downright incestuous to me, since I'm almost 35.